Journey to finding myself

I am becoming more comfortable with the idea that I may have ASD. The calm that I feel is something I've never felt in my life. Finally something that feels like it fits. I'm in the process of getting a formal diagnosis via saving all my money.

I've been contacting autism society and organizations for about 2weeks. Cant seem to find anywhere that will do it at a lower cost to me, or for free. I'm going to assume I'll be paying 3k, if I dont thats good for me, if I do I'll be ready.  I'm really nervous about this. In fact i was rocking last night. I feel this is the right diagnosis.

Getting Diagnosed as an Adult with ASC

            Wow, my journey started 1 year and two months ago when I started reading that daredevil fanfiction. It wasn't tagged #autism, but daredevil seems to have a lot of SPD issues. The thing that mostly caught my eye was the character walking on his toes. I always walked on my toes from a very young age, I knew it was strange, but I personally didn't think anything of it. The author of this fanfiction gave a lot of resources she used in her story and I read them. I'm not sure when I got more into autism research and less into the story, but that's what happened. Suddenly I was fascinated. So many of these symptoms sounded like. Hating loud crowds, sounds. Unusual startle responses. Aversion to lights, rocking and weaving. The list could go on and on.
                 Then I got into the communicative portion of the research and I understood that I was autistic.I was reminded of my failures growing up. The bullying. The isolation. I was a social pariah. The only crowd of people I could make friends with were also people who were socially outcasted. The very first youtuber I started actively watching was Amethyst "Neurowonderful". Their videos were the key to everything. The reason I took this path at all. I suddenly knew what sensory overload was, and why at crowded restaurants i felt irritable and dizzy and tired.
                    
                       For a long time I didn't know what to do with this new found information. I asked some friends if they thought I might be on the spectrum and none of them thought so.  This was disheartening. I asked my sisters and they both agreed it was possible. My husband wasn't on my side. Most people I asked said only a professional could diagnose you, and me "self" diagnosing was problematic.  I never claimed to self diagnosed, but apparently even wondering if you might be autistic warrants the title of self diagnosed.

                     I read a book called nerdy, shy and socially inappropriate. That really confirmed how I felt. The deeper I got, the more annoyed my husband became. I discovered facebook groups and tumblr. I bought my very first fidget toys. I was on my way. It took me over a year to make my appointment because I wanted to find a place that took my insurance that also wasn't associated with autism speaks(which is hard is Texas). I also really hate to make phone calls, I forget often to make these phone calls, and I had a full-time job that didn't allow me to make phone calls on the clock. So yeah, it took me a year and 2 months to finally get to see someone. Eventually I did. I was so surprised they were versed in adult diagnosis and female presentation.
     
                   I thought that maybe my testing was too little that they didn't see enough. But in the end they did and I was diagnosed with autism along with many other comorbid mental health issues that come along for the ride like depression and anxiety.  I have self confidence I never had before.  A peace with myself my mom always told me I needed to have. This discovery in myself has changed my entire outlook on life. My thoughts are not congruent and I'm not a professional writer. I do want to write more about my life, but not in this post.

At 28.8 years of life, I was diagnosed with autism. And for now lets leave it at that.

Autism Spectrum

Hey, haven't been on here in years. It's bad, I forget about this website then come back and regret ever leaving. But today I am here to tell you something. I might be autistic. The funny way I came to this conclusion was because of a daredevil fanfiction I was reading where Matt is on the spectrum. As I read on the more curious I got. The author was very well researched and probably has some personal experiences. I was amazed how many characteristics of autism I had, and how many I've had for as long as I could remember.

My main stim is toe walking and rocking. Stims I stopped doing because I noticed people looking at me weird was hitting myself
I compiled a list of things I think would get me a positive diagnosis.

• Walking on my toes because I hated how the floor felt on the soles of my feet
• needing my fiance to force me to try new foods
• the bathroom and stove fan driving me up a wall, same with lawn mowers. I think its that low humm i hate. its a really uncomfortable sound that i need to stop immediately otherwise i get pissy
• I have always had a hard time making and keeping friends
• I have a hard time articulating my thoughts and feelings verbally without sounding like an idiot
• I need plans, i love them. I just suck at making them.
• I hate to travel....i also hate driving but idk if thats related
• Replaying the same verse of a song over and over and over for hours
• strong smells put me off
• I can hear the smallest sounds in my apartment, but often can't seem to hear when my fiance is talking right next to me. I remember as a kid getting my hearing tested often to find out my hearing was fine
• Was extremely dyslexic and had speech problems as a child
• I suffer with social anxiety and depression and regular ol' anxiety :/
• social activities make me anxious, loud places are over stimulating. I get snappy when out for too long
• social makes me feel drained
• the fabrics used to make sweaters drive me crazy. I cannot wear them no matter how "soft and comfortable" someone tells me they are
•  I get over heated easily or cold easily
• chewing on my hair is nice
• standing and rocking from side to side
• at work i rock in place, kick my legs out while holding the counter. constantly popping my knuckles. my box cutter can slide up and down and it clicks so i do that.
•  generally less stressed at home
• being completely obsessed with a subject. I rarely keep the same interest but sometimes i go back to the same ones and research and learn the hell out of it all over again.

There are stims I did as a kid that I rarely ever do now

• pressing my fingers into my eyes while they're closed so when i open them i can see the colors
• staring into lights so i can see the colors change and the little bright light move 
• plugging my ears and making Zzzzzz sounds or humming
• banging my head against the wall
• hitting myself in the head to get the buzzing out

I dont know if its autism related, but i like to speak in a childish voice.

Well I'm done rambling. good night world
 I'm going to seek diagnosis soon wish me luck