I am becoming more comfortable with the idea that I may have ASD. The calm that I feel is something I've never felt in my life. Finally something that feels like it fits. I'm in the process of getting a formal diagnosis via saving all my money.
I've been contacting autism society and organizations for about 2weeks. Cant seem to find anywhere that will do it at a lower cost to me, or for free. I'm going to assume I'll be paying 3k, if I dont thats good for me, if I do I'll be ready. I'm really nervous about this. In fact i was rocking last night. I feel this is the right diagnosis.
Sunday, June 17, 2018
Getting Diagnosed as an Adult with ASC
Wow, my journey started 1 year and two months ago when I started reading that daredevil fanfiction. It wasn't tagged #autism, but daredevil seems to have a lot of SPD issues. The thing that mostly caught my eye was the character walking on his toes. I always walked on my toes from a very young age, I knew it was strange, but I personally didn't think anything of it. The author of this fanfiction gave a lot of resources she used in her story and I read them. I'm not sure when I got more into autism research and less into the story, but that's what happened. Suddenly I was fascinated. So many of these symptoms sounded like. Hating loud crowds, sounds. Unusual startle responses. Aversion to lights, rocking and weaving. The list could go on and on.
Then I got into the communicative portion of the research and I understood that I was autistic.I was reminded of my failures growing up. The bullying. The isolation. I was a social pariah. The only crowd of people I could make friends with were also people who were socially outcasted. The very first youtuber I started actively watching was Amethyst "Neurowonderful". Their videos were the key to everything. The reason I took this path at all. I suddenly knew what sensory overload was, and why at crowded restaurants i felt irritable and dizzy and tired.
For a long time I didn't know what to do with this new found information. I asked some friends if they thought I might be on the spectrum and none of them thought so. This was disheartening. I asked my sisters and they both agreed it was possible. My husband wasn't on my side. Most people I asked said only a professional could diagnose you, and me "self" diagnosing was problematic. I never claimed to self diagnosed, but apparently even wondering if you might be autistic warrants the title of self diagnosed.
I read a book called nerdy, shy and socially inappropriate. That really confirmed how I felt. The deeper I got, the more annoyed my husband became. I discovered facebook groups and tumblr. I bought my very first fidget toys. I was on my way. It took me over a year to make my appointment because I wanted to find a place that took my insurance that also wasn't associated with autism speaks(which is hard is Texas). I also really hate to make phone calls, I forget often to make these phone calls, and I had a full-time job that didn't allow me to make phone calls on the clock. So yeah, it took me a year and 2 months to finally get to see someone. Eventually I did. I was so surprised they were versed in adult diagnosis and female presentation.
I thought that maybe my testing was too little that they didn't see enough. But in the end they did and I was diagnosed with autism along with many other comorbid mental health issues that come along for the ride like depression and anxiety. I have self confidence I never had before. A peace with myself my mom always told me I needed to have. This discovery in myself has changed my entire outlook on life. My thoughts are not congruent and I'm not a professional writer. I do want to write more about my life, but not in this post.
At 28.8 years of life, I was diagnosed with autism. And for now lets leave it at that.
Then I got into the communicative portion of the research and I understood that I was autistic.I was reminded of my failures growing up. The bullying. The isolation. I was a social pariah. The only crowd of people I could make friends with were also people who were socially outcasted. The very first youtuber I started actively watching was Amethyst "Neurowonderful". Their videos were the key to everything. The reason I took this path at all. I suddenly knew what sensory overload was, and why at crowded restaurants i felt irritable and dizzy and tired.
For a long time I didn't know what to do with this new found information. I asked some friends if they thought I might be on the spectrum and none of them thought so. This was disheartening. I asked my sisters and they both agreed it was possible. My husband wasn't on my side. Most people I asked said only a professional could diagnose you, and me "self" diagnosing was problematic. I never claimed to self diagnosed, but apparently even wondering if you might be autistic warrants the title of self diagnosed.
I read a book called nerdy, shy and socially inappropriate. That really confirmed how I felt. The deeper I got, the more annoyed my husband became. I discovered facebook groups and tumblr. I bought my very first fidget toys. I was on my way. It took me over a year to make my appointment because I wanted to find a place that took my insurance that also wasn't associated with autism speaks(which is hard is Texas). I also really hate to make phone calls, I forget often to make these phone calls, and I had a full-time job that didn't allow me to make phone calls on the clock. So yeah, it took me a year and 2 months to finally get to see someone. Eventually I did. I was so surprised they were versed in adult diagnosis and female presentation.
I thought that maybe my testing was too little that they didn't see enough. But in the end they did and I was diagnosed with autism along with many other comorbid mental health issues that come along for the ride like depression and anxiety. I have self confidence I never had before. A peace with myself my mom always told me I needed to have. This discovery in myself has changed my entire outlook on life. My thoughts are not congruent and I'm not a professional writer. I do want to write more about my life, but not in this post.
At 28.8 years of life, I was diagnosed with autism. And for now lets leave it at that.
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